


The Void

by Pugperson99



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Angst, Cecil - Freeform, Mentions of self-harm, Past Steve Carlsberg/Cecil Palmer, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, carlos is only mentioned, depressed, me projecting my feelings, on characters who don't deserve it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:06:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23472169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pugperson99/pseuds/Pugperson99
Summary: That void just looks so appealing.
Relationships: Carlos/Cecil Palmer, Steve Carlsberg/Cecil Palmer
Kudos: 18





	The Void

**Author's Note:**

> Am I projecting onto characters who don't deserve it? Yes.

Cecil stared at the ceiling, vaguely aware of the random song playing in the background. The itch under his skin steadily grew stronger, but he made not attempt to get up. He doubted he could if he tried, he struggled to breath under the weight. Under the weight of what though? He wasn't too sure, it just felt heavy. The ceiling swam in his vision, his glasses doing nothing to stop the fuzziness, although that could be because he hasn't blinked in a while. He pondered that fact for a little while, deciding that he didn't care all that much. He was tempted to get up and go grab his razor, or even better one of his kitchen knives. 

He knew he was depressed, he knew that he should probably get help. But they didn't really offer that here in Night Vale. Plus, it's not like anyone really cared, so what if Night Vale suddenly lost their stupid radio host who talked about his personal life too much. Who couldn't even keep one, not even one, intern alive. No one would bat an eye if they learned that Cecil Palmer had killed himself, for death was such a natural part of their small town.

Old Woman Josie would be sad, at least he assumed she would. She did practically raise him. But in the end he supposes he had just been a nuisance to her like he was to everyone else. Intern Dana might be sad about it, but she was a tough girl, and it's not like he ever did anything to help her. He merely sent her to the dog park and then left her. Janice would cry, Janice would cry buckets. But he had never done her any good, and she had her mother to look after her. And honestly, wasn't Abby ten times better then him? She would have (ugh) Steve Carlsberg too, he seemed like he actually loved them. Cecil paused his thoughts about who would be sad, and instead thought about when him and Steve were together. Tears welled in his eyes as all the things Steve has said to him floated about his mind.

But then he thought of Carlos, his sweet, kind, perfectly imperfect Carlos. Carlos would mourn him, hopefully. Carlos loved him. he told him everyday. Suddenly the music came back into focus "If I love you was a promise, would you break it if you're honest?" The words rang out, sending a sensation close to a knife through his heart through him. Did Carlos really love him? He thought about another thing (ugh) Steve had said to him. "Maybe he's just using you for your connections to the Council and Secret Police." He hated to admit it, but Steve's words still got to him, no matter how many time he told himself that Steve was just trying to hurt him. But, what if he was right? What if, after everything, Carlos didn't love him?

He knew he was being irrational, he knew, on some level, that all his thoughts were irrational. But he couldn't help but think them. And he hated that about himself, just another thing tacked onto his long list. He hated his personality, he hated that he knew that he annoyed people, even if they didn't show it. He hated his stupid tentacles, and his multitude of eyes. He hated that no matter how hard he tried, he would never be completely human. He hated that he did something to make his mom hate him, and he just... he hated himself. It was as simple as that.

He resumed his empty staring, craving to be a part of the void that he knew was just above him. The endless nothing that consumed the sky, that seemed to already inhabit him. The emptiness that seemed to press down on him, that was drowning him. His hand twitched, reminding him of the urge to hurt himself. But he stayed still, his eyes slowly tracing the shapes in the slightly illuminated room. He knew he was the source of light, his tattoos always glowed faintly.

He registered that fact that he was crying too, he hadn't realized. The thick black tears poured down his face in a steady stream, staining his cheeks. He let out a wet laugh, furiously swiping at the never ending tears. Until he just gave up, letting his bottled up emotions spilling out. 

Everyone had a breaking point. His just happened to be the void.


End file.
